I even had a bully that would beat on me(I was 5 years old and the girl? 14) My sister stood there and watched as the girl even drug me through stain glass window fragments on the ground beside a church. The ONLY person that cared so much was a mentally handy caped guy. He ran her off and came running up to me while I lay there on the ground crying and holding my legs with blood covered on them. He picked me up and brought me home on his shoulders. :/ But hey here is something you didn't know about me right? here is another...
I was molested by 5 different guys when I was a child up until I was 11 years old. :/ 4 of them were men my mother met in bars and one was a family member. No one knew about it until I was 18. I told my mother by sitting her down at the kitchen table. I asked her to "believe me please when I tell you this mom". But did she? :/ no she didn't, she sat there looking at me . Then said. "are you sure patty?" :/
I was never a pretty girl like my sister. She was so "hot" as even guys that I liked ,would say. She was treated as momma's pretty little girl. She was fought by family to be taken care of when momma had no way to take care of us. But she stood her grounds and was a great mom...to my sister and brother. She even left me at home in my crib when I was a baby. She realized she left me and when she got back home. She said I was still there in the crib playing all by myself ,still in there waiting, not realizing my mommy wasn't even in the house.
We lived out in wood where no cars came down or anything. So many times I should have died but guess even god didn't want me. Men would end up treating me like I wasn't worth their love and to treat me like crap. Very first boyfriend I had ? He was doing it out of pity.
My second one I was 17 when I started to date him. He ended up cheating on me and not tell me. I found out by way of my own Brother and my best friend( that my brother married). She and he came back from going up to visit him and he opens the door and another woman is there with him. My own best friend tells me that he introduces them to her as his "Girlfriend" .:/ I was suppose to be his girl friend. He never told me that he wanted to break up. We were engaged in a way . I had his class ring. I took care of it so much . Made sure to fix the chip in the stone on it myself. I cared that much for him .NO .. I LOVED him that much. And to be told that he tells others about this new woman is his "girl friend"
I wrote a letter to him asking him about this and was it the truth. I begged him to tell me it wasn't. But he sends a letter back and says my worst fear. "Yes " I didn't mean this to happen" :/ I couldn't even finish the letter and ripped it up in so many pieces.
My mother saw for once in her life how much pain I was in and the fact that I was her daughter. She picked those pieces up after I ran to my room. She took them and peiced them back together. She then read what she could make out in the letter. Then I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I just wanted to die..didn't feel like talking didn't feel like caring ...nothin. Just wanted to die.
I waited around for him for a long time. But before that I wrote him back. I told him " She will leave you and you will come crawling back to me and askin me to take you back" I won't .That she will do what you have done to me to you" I did hear from him again later in life . I came home one day and he was siting on my parents door steps. He was crawling back...
I was still hurting and couldn't see him for that. I just wanted to love him and he threw me away. I wanted him to see what it felt like. I made up with him and then met another guy I was working for. So when I herd my best friend tell me that my brother had set up a night at his and her apartment to be able to spend time together I went but at that time I had not gotten that close to the co worker. I loved someone else.
My ex boyfriend that was back. But that night I was giving him a chance. I was hoping he would make the move to me . That when the night was over and we lay there in the same room. That MAYBE he would at least try something . lol yeah ,Not sexual. But just something. Like walk over and maybe just lay there and hold me while we slept. But no he would lay in his own area and not do a thing to show me how much he still loves me.
Well the next time my brother set up a date for us two I didn't realize it and had made other arrangements. I had asked the guy (co worker) to come over that time(not realizing he (ex) was asked to come over. So when me and my best friend pulls up with groceries the two guys got to meet and see each other. (again I didn't know he was even there ,exbf) Well he came out with rage in his eyes and yells at me and gets into his car and speeds off. I was hoping for maybe please don't do this. But no I get dust in my face. I stood there and watched as my love drove off and not once did I see how much he loved me.
All I saw was another person that treated me like everyone else and how much I wasn't really wanted. I wanted to run after him and tell him that it was only a friend from work. I also felt stupid for bring that guy there . I just wanted to move on if he didn't love me. The guy was there for friendship. Only friendship reasons. But he (exbf) showed me that he didn't want me ,to begin with or he would have fought for me. But he didn't so I just went on with head held down. I later would marry the guy that was brought that night. I would marry him because I felt I was not worthy of love and that I deserve what I was given as a choice.
I would have such a hard road with this man. He would hit me and treat me like I was ugly and fat and not worth the time or light of day. I ended up having two children with him and then later after 8 years with him . I would ask for a divorce. I was done with lies and bruised and a self esteem that was beaten down on . I would finally fight back thanks to one man. My step father. He told me I was worth so much and could do anything I put my mind to. I was smarter than I gave myself credit for. I did just that. I moved on with my life. I would end up with my two children. I fought so hard for.
One I almost lost because ex husband would take him and hide . I couldn't find him for so long and finally I found him and the police tells me there is nothing they could do. I watch as he and my baby boy would walk down the road. I knew my son wanted to come with me. He even begged the police officers "I want to stay with my mommy" but they let him take my son and hide even longer.
One day I had been told by an (almost like a mother to me ) a person she knows, had seen my son riding a bike . I jumped onto that wagon and found ways I never knew I could get done,done . Thats when I got my son back. I now had both my son and my baby girl to. I got a call from a TV show called "Sally Jessie Raphael" and was told that the only way I could show up and say my side of the story about the marriage was on the same day as the divorce.
Of course I said no way. They kept talking to me about it was MY fault. They didn't even know the whole story. But I went through with the divorce and got my two babies. I had some hard roads and loved my children so much. My son was born with a deformity that I wanted to take care of and get out of the way so my son could live a normal life. My ex husband did not. He wanted him to stay that way and still be able to use it for his own benefit. My son now is such a handsome man.
He is now 18 and you would never know he had one. ^.^ I stood over my son after his surgery and held him for two hours. leaning and rocking him while he cried in pain because the meds weren't working because of the other things they gave him in surgery. The nurses were crying because how long I stood there leaning in pain in my back. I just stood there and held him and cried with him. Once he fell asleep and the meds took care of his pain. I could no longer stand straight. The nurses ran for a wheel chair to place under me.
They wanted to give me something to help my back pain. I told them no. This is part of life and I can handle it if he can go through all this pain. I can deal with this lil pain. They smiled and hugged me told me even how they have never in their lives ,as nurses have ever seen a mother or father stand there like that .To handle it with a smile . I told them I love my kids that much. This is what I am here for. They rolled me back out to the waiting room. I slept on recliners and even the floor beside his bed in ICU. Took care of him ,bathed him,gave him some med and rocked him to sleep. I was even at one point a mother of rage . lol
I woke up to see my son covered in blood from his IV that ripped out of his arm and he was crying . :/ no screaming." mommy". I jumped so high and panicked but stayed cool. The male nurse said "that happens when they turn over onto the IV sometimes and pulls out". :/ NO IT DOESN'T! You tape that down, now!... and do it so well it wouldn't even be able to if YOU pulled it! They did and it didn't come back out again. Well until it was time to go home. ^.~
I would die for my kids. I don't say that like a praise others use. I mean that. No one touches my family. Family is all I have and I can't and wont live without them. I am sorry that I go on about things but that is me and well if you don't like me for me and the small things I have that give you aggravation then I guess you don't need to know me. I don't ask much of anyone. I just ask for love. To show me how much you care for me like I care for you. That isn't too much to ask for. Well I am done with my out cry and am done...just am so done with it all. If you want to talk I am sure I will be more than happy to help. But this is what I am going through and I am troubled as well. I am only human.
.........I love you