If I were Immortal then I would see my kids getting older and then watching them go away and then be left alone. Then my thoughts go back to the Immortal side. If I was then I would never have to worry about getting sick and having a bad heart. I could have more kids after those were gone. I can keep myself from being left alone forever. But I don't want to see my babies die. That isn't something I want to ever ever have happen. But then wait wouldn't they be Immortal as well?
They wouldn't have the chance to choose though. Because I had chosen for them. That isn't fair to them. But I just wanted to have a normal heart and that seems to be the only solution.
That's why I hate being human. One day I won't be but at what cost? I am fearing I am loosing my mind cause all I do is think about death. No not by my own hands ,well not always by my own hands. I know in my mind that I am all my kids have. I also understand that if I kill myself then heaven won't want me. But I assure you Hell won't want me either. The thoughts are there and I can't just through them away. It's not as easy as it might seem to you.
For a person that has problems like these will understand just what I mean. To the others that do not have anything like what I have going on then you just can't come close to understanding. I am being pushed to my limits. I am a strong person ,very strong emotionally. But physically I am not. That is where I am going down. Don't get me wrong okay. I am a happy person and won't let that bring me down. But I can't help but to have that one little thought about if I could just be Immortal. If just have Immortal with no way to have problems with my body at least. lol
I can't help but have this one little thought saying "Be careful what you wish for Patty" You tell me...What would you want?
To be Immortal?
To be human?