Well tonight that is what I did. I thought "it's time to take my special bath. So I filled my tub up with nice hot water and put a little cold in there cause it got too hot. lol I put my playlist on from youtube. Then slid down in the tub and begun the destressing. Then the water slowly started to get cold and well time for some more hot.
My music made me feel like I was in my teens and the warm water melted away that stress. I then realized that ,this is what I have been forgetting about. My alone time . I have been there for everyone and I forgot to be there for myself. I had forgotten that I took a nerve pill before the bath because my heart started to give me some problems. Now it's taking it's course. I feel the mellowing coming on.
Of course it doesn't take away the mur mur but it helps me deal with it better. Mur murs are so dang aggravating. If you have one then you have to know what I mean. They bump in your chest and sometimes take your breath away. That's not all. They can make your blood pressure feel as though it is rising and then your face can get hot. Make you go into a panic attache even if your doing your breathing and calming things. They can't be ignored.
People that don't have them no offense to those that don't do this and have no mur murs. But they try to tell you that you will live that it's not life threatening and that you need or should just tone it out and they will go away. HA! Trust me they don't hun. They are there and it is your heart one of the main organs that keep you alive. That is what goes through the head of a person that is going through one .
They won't ever just go away and there are no cures they say. You sit there and cry and beg God in heaven to just make your heart normal. You even go through the process of making deals with God and telling God that you will stop what ever it is that is causing it or you will say that you will stop doing that bad habit that you feel God is mad at you about .
We can't just lay down and die and we know that we won't but when we have one and I have at least over 100 in a day. That's not including the nights. I feel them in my stomach and my head pulses with everyone of them.I have them when I am just walking to the bathroom or going outside to get the mail. I have them at work. They say not to do any thing hard or any heavy exercise.
Well work is hard cause I lift things that are heavy and I have to move fast in my line of work. Sorry I am getting all worked up and probably freaking you out. ^.^ My nerve pill is taking it slowly to get me calm. I hate taking them but I have to unfortunately. Why? Well see I have along with my heart mur mur , other things.
I also have to do my day to day things like feed and take care of my two kids and my husband. take care of things outside of my house and then I have worries and driving is one of my worries. I hate driving, well I should say fear it. I have a phobia for many things and driving is one. Lightening is another spiders and so much more. But I have been placed on nerve pills because of the driving. I had an accident on the freeway on day and had to get therapy. I stopped the Therapy because it was in Houston.
I lost my case because of that also. So yeah my car got creamed and I couldn't even fix it back up to drive because of that. I have a van now and yes I still have the car that I had the accident in. I fixed her back up to driving condition so I would have two cars to use for me and my husband to go to work in. I drive the one that is fixed up again. ^.^ I call her bessie #1 the van is bessie #2.
Anyways that is why. I had to do some driving today and now my nerves are at end. The heart mur murs are just adding to the stress. Great I just cause things to get worse. I have reflux on top of it all. I already took a Pepcid and it hasn't helped. I made my home made Chili tonight and I took a Pepcid cause I knew it was gonna hot me later.
Well I just got hit anyways. That is one of the things that kick my mur murs up. I might have to take another Pepcid. I hate taking them cause well my husband bought the fruit ones and I can't handle sweet stuff. I get headaches also now. I am sure that they are because of the Menopause. Along with my heat flashes and cold spells. I bought some calcium chewables today for my bones cause I don't drink milk and am lactose intolerant.
I know what your thinking. Geez she has just about every ailment there is or she thinks she does. lol No I know that I don't but I do know what I do have. Those things I can deal with I just hate anything dealing with my heart or lungs. Those two things I know that without them I will die. They worry me and I wish God I wish I didn't have those problems that I do. I would be living so much better and loving so much more.
I don't take anything for granted cause I was raised that way. I am trying to deal with my heart problems. But they aggravate me so dang much. But hopefully soon my nerve pill will kick in and make me calm and happy and not worry. I would just love it if I could just not worry. I worry about so much every dang day. I love to help others . My mother once told me that I shouldn't worry about what others are going through that I will put myself in an early grave.
I think she was right. But the problem is i can't help it to worry about what they are going through. My mother also told me that I have what some called a soft heart. Or a caring heart as other have said. I would give a shirt right off my back if I saw that someone needed bad enough. That how I feel. I cry when I see a child not get something they really wanted and have never been given anything .
I don't know ,call me what you will but I just can't help but be a worry wort. ^.^ I use to go for rides on my horse to get away from things. Then the day came when I had to let her go. I sold her to a small girl that had saved her allowance up of 75.00 . She told me how she saved it for so long and that she loved horses so much. I lived in town and was a teen that was trying to study hard in school.
I also knew she would be in good hands with this little girl. I sold her to her and I also knew that the little girl had nothing to use to riding her and to brush her. I even gave the little girl the saddle the pad and brush along with the feed and the only thing I kept was my horse's reins. I am a keepsake kind of person. I have so many things I held onto from my youth. ^.^ But those reins I had forever.
One day I was looking for them and realized that when I left the Ranch and moved back up to Houston area that I forgot them but was assured by my husband that his mother and father went back to the Ranch and got all that he couldn't bring. Later I found out that he didn't and they didn't have that. They also left my grandmother's lantern. I had pictures in frames that was hanging on the walls and his mother told me she grabbed those. But when I went to get them I found all my stuff that she did grab outside and had been rained on.
But she did cover the stuff and she had the stuff on pallets. The photos were destroyed. These were pictures of me and my brother and sister when we were young I mean like 5 and 7 and 10. They were portraits that my mother had worked her butt off and now they were no good. I tryed to salvage them but they just ripped. I don't blame anyone for it.
I blame myself.I cry from time to time for so many reasons. The fact that I had a harsh childhood and because I had no father that would claim me at that time.I miss my mother and step father so much. Yeah I think my pills are kicking in. lol Well I won't make you suffer hearing all my stupid thoughts. ^.^ Lets just say I had it really hard when I was a kid and leave it at that. lol
Have you ever had a moment in your life where you just wanted to sit down in a room and cry your butt off? I have those everyday. Maybe that is why I am having these heart problems. But I won't ever forget . Without them we are who we are. I am a person that would come up to you if you were crying and I would stop and sit down beside you and smile at you . I would tell you that life isn't going to stay that way and that you shouldn't let it bring you down and make you lose who you are.
I would hope that would make you smile but if it doesn't I would cry with you so you wouldn't be feeling alone in those feelings and you have me to. I would hug you and we would just sit there and try and remember the good times and laugh til we no loner cared about what we were crying. I would then give you a way to keep in touch with and if you EVER need someone to talk to I would be there in a heartbeat.
I have and don't think I wouldn't be. I was at work one day and someone called my cell. I didn't know who it was. I answered it and asked the other cashier to take over and I would be right back. I went to the back and I realized they were crying. They child was crying saying that she was scared. Could I come over and sit with her. I couldn't leave no but I told her i would stay on the phone til she felt safe.
I knew who she was and we stared to talk about things that I knew would make her smile. She was happy again and I told her to go over to her friends house and paint her nails. She started to giggle and told me okay and she hung up and well she was fine you could say.
I also will tell you about a time when I was 16 and my friend called me up. I thought she just wanted me to come over for the weekend. But she was crying and hard too. I was shocked when she told me that she was scared. I thought she meant that someone was outside or maybe someone was in her house or something. She told me that she was thinking of killing herself.
I was in shock I didn't know what to say to someone that wanted to kill themselves. Then it just came out of my mouth. I started talking about things like when we were younger and how we had fun riding on that trail ride. She would start to cry again. Well now why are you crying? Things aren't that bad. Were still young. Why are you talking about killing yourself? She told me a guy she was dating and when he got out of college they were gonna get married. I was like what? Then why are you crying then?
Well my brother and his wife was in the area and thought they would stop by and say hi to him. He opened the door and there was this other girl there. He introduced her as his girlfriend. I was shocked once again. Do WHAT?!...Yeah he did that and he never told me we were over or anything. Patty why would he do that? He didn't write me back in a month and I thought it was cause he was studding hard for exams or something.
Well of course my response was harsh. I was mad as heck at this guy and wanted to beat nine kinds of crap out of him. But I told her something that was pretty good. I told her, "One day the new girlfriend will do to him what he did to you and he will come crawling back begging you to take him back. Then you will have the chance to choose .Will you take him back or will you tell him to leave."
She told me that she never thought of it that way. I told her that there were other guys out there that will want to be your guy and some will break your heart and some may want to marry you also. But what ever you do . Don't get married til you have lived your life and are ready to marry.
She was fine and we talked more and laughed about so much and we even hung out that next night . Laughed and partied our butts off. But guess what happened later that year.That guy did just what I said and she had that choice to make . She called me and told me everything and well lets just say she is now of course older but she didn't marry that guy she found someone else.
This new guy she married lets just say they have 2 kids and are happy and she calls me and talks about that day and thanks me for it.
Wow ya'll you talked my ears off. ^.^ (has a gigglefit) I have talked too much and realized the time now. So sorry so long tonight. I guess the moral of my blog is ,even if life is hard try and deal with it your own way. And don't forget about stopping and letting some love be shared. You never know when it may be you that needs it next. ^.~
Take care of yourselves and be happy everyday. You never know when you may have to deal with life hard. Now I am gonna go cause I am just running on still. So night and blessings to you all ...peace love and may God shine his light on you. night